The kids always look forward to summer. No school, no homework, play all day. What could be better? I’ll tell you what could be. No office, no patients, play all day for ME too!

I wish I could be a stay-at-home dad. Well, not really, but it would be nice if I could be at home more during the summer. When school is in session, the kids are occupied all day and they don’t miss me. But when they are home all day, and I’m at work, I feel like they’re really missing out on their dad. Or maybe it’s that I’m missing out on my kids. Probably both.

Every summer I tell myself that next summer I’m going to take more time off to hang out with my family (besides the week or two of vacation we take together). But another next summer is now here and all I got was a nice 10 days in Aruba with Cheryl and the kids, and I think we’re doing a weekend thing toward the end of summer, but that’s it.

So, for all my patients out there, here’s the plan for next summer: No one is allowed to have any new babies. So plan your conceptions for either this September or you’ll have to wait until January. That will put your baby’s birth either before June or after August. Less babies means less hospital visits for me and less office time. Also, no one is allowed to get sick over the summer. Winter is sick time, so please make sure your kids catch plenty of colds and flus between November and March. Don’t wait until July, because I won’t be in the office very much. I’ll be at the beach with my family.

Due to unforeseeable circumstances, I realize that some of you will need me during the summer. So here is our summer sickness policy for next year: I will work 3 hours a day on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Allowable summer illnesses include swimmer’s ear, sunburn, and poison ivy. That’s really all that should happen to your kids over the summer if you are a good parent. Actually, cross out sunburn, because any good parent should be able to prevent this.

I’m going to enjoy next summer and be a husband and dad all summer long. Maybe I should have been a teacher. My teacher friends get to hang out with family and go to the beach all day. Oh well, I guess I just have to suffer through being a doctor.

Dr. Bob