           
|
|
|
|
|
Your privacy is a PRIMARY consideration of AskDrSears.com. Your
e-mail address is used ONLY by AskDrSears.com for the purpose of
announcing news, events and special offers available only
AskDrSears.com registered users.
Baby Sling Closeout Special!
Extended through May until sold out! 
Buy a baby sling for a friend and get one free for yourself
Buy one get one free
Discount code: freesling Or 50% off your babysling Discount code: halfoff expires: 05/30/08
*Not valid in conjuction with any other offers.
Your privacy is a PRIMARY consideration of AskDrSears.com. Your e-mail address is used ONLY by AskDrSears.com for the purpose of announcing news, events and special offers available only AskDrSears.com registered users. 5 WAYS PARENTS CAN HANDLE THEIR ANGER
1. Heal your angry past Parenting can be therapeutic.
It can show you where your problems are and motivate you to fix them. If your
past is loaded with unresolved anger, take steps to heal yourself before you
wind up harming your child. Studies have shown that children whose mothers often
express anger are more likely to be difficult to discipline. Identify problems
in your past that could contribute to present anger. Were you abused or harshly
punished as a child? Do you have difficulty controlling your temper? Do you
sense a lack of inner peace? Identify present situations that are making you
angry, such as dissatisfaction with job, spouse, self, child. Remember, you
mirror your emotions. If your child sees a chronically angry face and hears an
angry voice, that's the person he is more likely to become.
2. Keep your perspective Every person has an anger button. Some
parents are
so anger prone that when they explode the family dog hides. Try this exercise.
First, divide your children's "misbehaviors" into smallies (nuisances and annoyances) which are not worth the wear and tear
of getting angry about, and biggies (hurting self, others, and property) which
demand a response, for your own sake and your child's.
Next, condition yourself so that you don't let the smallies bother you. Here are some "tapes" to play in your mind the next time you or your child spills something: Rehearse this exercise over and over by play acting. Add in some lines for you to deliver: When a real-life smallie occurs, you're more conditioned to control yourself. You can take a deep breath, walk away, keep cool, plan your strategy and return to the scene. For example, a child smears paint on the wall. You have conditioned yourself not to explode You're naturally angry and it's helpful for your child to see your displeasure. You go through your brief "no" lecture firmly, but without yelling. Then you call for a time-out. Once you have calmed down, insist the child (if old enough) help you clean up the mess. Being in control of your anger gives your child the message, "Mommy's angry, and she has a right to be this way. She doesn't like what I did, but she still likes me and thinks I'm capable enough to help clean up after myself." We find going into a rage is often harder on us than the child. It leaves us feeling drained. Oftentimes, it's our after-anger feeling that bothers us more than the shoe thrown into the toilet. Once we realized that we could control our feelings more easily than our children can control their behavior, we were able to endure these annoying stages of childhood, and life with our kids became much easier. And when we do get mad at a child, we don't let the anger escalate until we become furious at ourselves for losing control.
You can break this cycle at any point to protect yourself and your child. 3. Make anger your ally Emotions serve a purpose. Healthy anger
compels you
to fix the problem, first because you're not going to let your child's behavior
go uncorrected, and second because you don't like how the child's misbehavior
bothers you. This is helpful anger. I have always had a low tolerance for
babies' screams. At around age fifteen months our eighth
child, Lauren, developed an ear-piercing shriek that sent my blood pressure
skyrocketing. Either my tolerance was decreasing or my ears were getting more
tender with age, but Lauren's cry pushed my anger button. I didn't like her for
it. I didn't like myself for not liking her. It might have been easier to deal
with the problem if I had not been feeling angry. But because I was angry and
realized it affected my attitude toward Lauren, I was impelled to do something
about her cry, which I believed was an unbecoming behavior that didn't fit into
this otherwise delightful little person. So instead of focusing on how much I
hated those sounds, I focused on what situations triggered the shrieks. I tried
to anticipate those triggers. I discovered that when Lauren was bored, tired,
hungry, or ignored, she shrieked. She is a little person who needs a quick
response and the shriek got it for her. My anger motivated me to learn creative
shriek-stoppers. I've become a wiser parent. Lauren has become nicer to be
around. That's helpful anger.
Anger becomes harmful when you don't regard it as a signal to fix the cause. You let it fester until you dislike your feelings, yourself, and the person who caused you to feel this way. You spend your life in a tiff over smallies that you could have ignored or biggies that you could have fixed. That's harmful anger. 4. Quit beating yourself up Often anger flares inwardly, as well as
outwardly, over something that you don't like; but upon reflection, after a lot
of energy is spent emoting, you actually realize that the situation as it stands
now is actually better for everyone concerned. This "hindsight" keeps us humble
and helps us diffuse future flare-ups. Our motto concerning irritating mistakes
has become: "Nobody's perfect. Human nature strikes again."
5. Beware of high-risk situations that trigger anger Are you in a life
situation that makes you angry? If so, you are at risk for venting your anger on
your child. Losing a job or experiencing a similar self-esteem-breaking event
can make you justifiably angry. But realize that this makes it easier for
otherwise tolerable childish behaviors (smallies) to push you over the edge.
When you're already angry, smallies easily become biggies. If you are suddenly
the victim of an anger-producing situation, it helps to prepare your family: "I
want you all to understand that daddy may be upset from to time during the next
couple of months. I've just lost my job and
I feel very anxious about it. I will find another job, and we'll all be okay,
but if I have a short fuse and get angry at you sometimes, it's not because I
don't love you, it's because I'm having trouble liking myself..." If you do blow
your top, it's wise to apologize to your children (and expect similar apologies
from them when they lose their tempers): "Pardon me, but
I'm angry, and if I don't appear rational or appreciative, it's because I'm
struggling—it's not your fault. I'm not mad at you." It also helps to be honest
with yourself, recognize your vulnerability and keep your guard up until the
anger-causing problem is resolved. There will always be problems in your life
that you cannot control. As you become a more experienced parent—and person—you
will come to realize that the only thing in your life that you can control are
your own actions. How you handle anger can work for you or against you—and your
child.
|
AskDrSears.com is intended to help parents become better informed consumers of health care. The information presented in this site gives general advice on parenting and health care. Always consult your doctor for your individual needs.
© Copyright 2006 AskDrSears.com. All Rights Reserved.
