A sensitive husband once told me he made sure his wife kept herself happy so she didn't drive the kids crazy. Another dad said, "I try to keep my wife wrinkle-free." Be tuned into when your wife needs help. For fear of shattering the supermom myth, women seldom confide their needs to their husbands. If "lose it" days are becoming more frequent for the queen of the castle, plot together to make some changes.
Get help for the queen. Hire a teenager to help out during after-school hours and holidays. Teens are tolerant, inexpensive, and able to put on goofy acts that hold children's attention. This takes some of the pressure off mom. Give your children a clear view of what is expected of them, and follow through on what you expect. A little marriage training early on works nicely here: "I expect you to be kind to the woman I love."