Whining

How can a sound as irritating as whining come from such adorable little people? It combines pleading, demanding, pestering, and nagging, interspersed with sniffles and sobs. It escalates in pitch until either the whiner wears out (this can take a long time) or the listener wears down (this takes only a short time).

Why kids whine. Most children whine sometime between 2½ and four years as they are trying out various voices for their effect on listeners. The reason they stick with it so long is they often find it works like a charm. Depending on the audience's response, they will either go on to develop more annoying sounds or refine their tone to more pleasant speech.

Here's how to mute the whiner:

• Note what circumstances bring on the whine and keep ahead of your child. If your child whines every time you get on the phone, busy her before you make the call. If whining occurs when a child is tired or bored, correcting the circumstances will correct the whine. Oftentimes responding promptly to your child wards off a whine so that the child does not have to resort to an irritating voice to get through to you.
• Don't allow the whine to escalate. At the first syllable, if you suspect the whining tone of voice is coming say, "Stop! I don't listen to your nagging voice," and walk away. Then turn around, look at your child, and say, "But I listen to your nice voice."
• Try "This is not the whining room. If you want to whine, go to another room."
• Squelch whining at the first whimper, and redirect the child's voice to a more pleasant ring. Otherwise, you run the risk of letting the whine wear you down until you surrender -- a concession that only prolongs the whining stage. Once the child realizes the whine will get her nowhere, it will stop. You may actually wind up giving the child what she wanted once her nice voice comes back and she can tell you her wish calmly and politely.
• Another way to win over a whiner is to change the subject. Keep on talking and distract the whining child into other interests, "Oh, look at this pretty flower. Let's see what it smells like." You're letting the child know that whining doesn't bother you.

If whining persists, replay for your child how unpleasant it sounds, being careful not to mock. Don't do this when you are both emotional. Do it at a calm time. Whine back: "Which do you like, Mommy's sour voice ('I don't wanna make supper') or Mommy's sweet voice ('Gosh, I'm tired. I could use some help')?" Once your child learns that whining doesn't work (and her language skills improve), whining will be a sound of the past.