It has often been said that “a baby should not come between husband and wife, in bed or otherwise.” As parents of eight who have practiced the concept of sharing sleep, we can say that our babies have not come between us. The whole attachment style of parenting, especially sleep sharing, works best in the context of a fulfilled marriage. Yet, it is absolutely necessary that a husband and wife find private time alone.
Since babies under six months have limited awareness of what’s going on, lovemaking with your baby asleep in your bed is seldom a problem in the early months. As baby gets older, parents seldom feel comfortable enjoying lovemaking in the presence of a sleeping child. If you enjoy sleeping with your baby, yet want some couple time, be creative. Remember, the master bedroom is not the only place where lovemaking can occur. Every room in your house can be a potential love chamber. Another option is to put your child to sleep in another room while you have your couple time, then bring baby into your bed when he wakes up. Or, carry your sleeping child into another room. A child who’s in a deep sleep doesn’t awaken if gently moved to another bed in another room while you enjoy some time together.
When children get older, we feel it’s important they get two messages concerning the parents’ bedroom: the door is open to them if they have a strong need to be with their parents, yet there are private times when mom and dad need to be alone. You may employ the traditional “go watch cartoons” as you kindly but firmly request that your child leaves your bedroom.
While certainly lovemaking in front of children in the family bed would be uncomfortable and unwise, don’t be afraid to hug in front of your children. It’s healthy for children to see a show of affection between their parents.