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Growing Up Connected
| Behaviors and Competencies | Connected Kids | Unconnected Kids |
|---|---|---|
| Behavior as infants and toddlers | Secure, settled, trusting, interdependent, inner sense of well-being, learn early how people treat other people | Clingy, anxious, distant, angry, dependent, disorganized, impulsive |
| Obedience | Open to redirection, expect to behave, want to please, feel guided | Closed: protest redirection; oppositional, devious, defensive: don't know what behavior is expected, feel controlled |
| Getting along with peers, making and keeping friends | Sociable, considerate, cooperative, sympathetic, trusting, popular, more willing to share; deep lasting friendships; mixes well with all age groups | Aggressive, manipulative, selfish, unwilling to share, bullying or easily victimized; withdrawn, isolated, distant, distrusting, unpopular; shallow friendships |
| In preschool setting (observation of 3½ year olds) | Social leaders, curious, eager to learn | Hesitant, less curiosity to learn |
| Empathy, caring | Sensitive, empathetic; consider others in decision making; help friends | Selfish, insensitive, unsympathetic |
| Problem-solving capabilities | Enthusiastic, persistent, positive, less frustrated, responsive to instruction, adaptable | Highly frustrated, negative, give up more quickly, less adaptable |
| Self-worth, confidence | High; realistic self-appraisal; confident | Low; lack confidence |
| Show of emotions | Appropriately expressive, transparent, affectionate | Stuff feelings; uncontrolled anger; react inappropriately; either overreact or clam up |
| Use of adult resources (facilitators) | Expect help, use facilitators wisely, confident in conversation with adults; eye contact | Distrust; don't seek help; avoid eye contact |
| Sense of right and wrong | Sincerely feel wrong when acting wrong; healthy guilt; innate sense of right and wrong | Don't feel remorse; confused sense of right and wrong |
| Adult outcome | Morally mature, more likely to have fulfilled marital relationships, less prone to addictive habits, more psychologically stable | Morally immature; risk of violence and sociopathic behaviors; problems with intimacy; less likely to be fulfilled in marital relationships; prone to addictive behaviors |
The studies on which this table is based compared the quality of mother-infant attachment during the first two years with later outcome. These are statistical correlations only; there was not always a perfect correlation between how children were parented and the people they later became.
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