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The Power of Family Bonding

Tips On Staying Present and Building Family Connection

Question: Hi, I’m a mom with a newborn and a young toddler. I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember and now that I am one I want to make the most of it. I feel like there’s so much to focus on and I often feel scattered. Any advice for this new mama?

Answer: A rich family life depends on creating and sustaining emotional bonds through shared family connections, traditions, and celebrations. Sharing values and a sense of identity, along with establishing clear and healthy boundaries, is an invaluable aspect of being a family unit. But, a clear sense of values, identity, and boundaries doesn’t happen automatically or overnight. It is a journey, and the process unfolds over time. You are just starting to build the framework that will support your family. There will be setbacks, restarts, and recalibrations. Right now, you get to dream and envision what you want for your family.

When you take time to establish family bonds, it gives your family an opportunity to see your heart, the true essence of who you are, and not just your busy, half-distracted way of operating. It sends the clear message that you are thinking about and acting on what is truly important. When a family is bonded, the inevitable stressors and frustrations of this world are easier to take in stride. These meaningful bonds provide stability and a sense of well-being that will sustain you and replenish you. Fancy vacations, lavish birthday parties, and keeping up with the latest tech trends might add excitement and adventure, but often it is the simplest moments, however small, that build strong family bonds, which no amount of money can provide.

Our job, then, is to be present often enough to recognize and make the most of those golden moments. If you’re like many women and are an avid multi-tasker who is used to being in at least two places at once, this may take some practice. But you will be pleasantly surprised at the joy and fulfillment these magical moments bring.

Family Mission Statement

Creating a family mission statement is a great way to foster family bonding around specific, shared values. It can be hard to narrow down which values you most want your family to emulate (because we want everything for our children!). But it’s important to clearly decide what you want your family to be known for over time. “We are a family that . . . (shows respect, is honest, is loyal, has faith, practices gratitude, is generous, travels together, plays sports, serves, invests in education, etc.).”

This shared family identity—stated, reinforced, and celebrated—will help your child naturally take on the virtues that are most valuable to you. Some day, your child will embrace her own standards and identity apart from you. But while she’s young, your child will begin to learn what she stands for through your words, actions, and emotional interactions.

It may feel like a lot of pressure knowing you are shaping your child’s purpose and values. Allow this reality to excite and empower you! Be confident that wherever your family is currently, each day brings a new opportunity for growth, positive change, and the ability to rewrite your family’s trajectory in the direction of the purpose you want to pursue. Stay focused on a growth mindset, knowing that intentionally creating your family’s identity and mission statement is an ongoing process.

Blessing to you and your family,
Martha Sears
Martha Sears, RN
Martha Sears, RN

Martha is the mother of Dr. Bill’s eight children, a registered nurse, a former childbirth educator, a La Leche League leader, and a lactation consultant. Martha is the co-author of 25 parenting books and is a popular lecturer and media guest drawing on her 18 years of breastfeeding experience with her eight children (including Stephen with Down Syndrome and Lauren, her adopted daughter). Martha speaks frequently at national parenting conferences and is noted for her advice on how to handle the most common problems facing today’s mothers with their changing lifestyles. Martha is able to connect with both full-time, stay-at-home mothers and working mothers because she herself has experienced both styles of parenting. Martha takes great pride in referring to herself as a “professional mother” and one of her favorite quips when someone voices their concern about her having eight children in an already populated world is: “The world needs my children.”

May 4, 2021 May 4, 2021 Dr. Bill Sears
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AskDrSears.com is intended to help parents become better informed consumers of health care. The information presented in this site gives general advice on parenting and health care. Always consult your doctor for your individual needs.

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