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Our first three babies were easy sleepers. We felt no need or desire
to have them share our bed. Besides, I was a new member of the medical
profession whose partyline was that sleeping with babies was weird and even
dangerous. Then along came our fourth child, Hayden, born in 1978, whose birth
changed our lives and our attitudes about sleep. Were it not for Hayden, many
of our books might never have been written. Hayden hated her crib. Finally one
night, out of sheer exhaustion my wife, Martha, brought Hayden into our bed.
From that night on we all slept better. We slept happily together—so happily
that we did it for four years, until the next baby was born!
Soon after we ventured into this "daring" sleeping arrangement, I consulted
baby books for advice. Big mistake! They all preached the same old tired
theme: Don't take your baby into your bed. Martha said, "I don't care what the
books say, I'm tired and I need some sleep!" We initially had to get over all
those worries and warnings about manipulation and terminal nighttime dependency.
You're probably familiar with the long litany of "you'll-be-sorry" reasons.
Well, we are not sorry; we're happy. Hayden opened up a new whole wonderful
nighttime world for us that we now want to share with you.
Sleeping with Hayden opened our hearts and minds to the fact that there are
many nighttime parenting styles, and parents need to be sensible and use
whatever arrangement gets all family members the best night's sleep. Over the
next sixteen years we slept with four more of our babies (one at a time). While
it's nice to now have the bed to ourselves, we have these special nighttime
connection memories.
Not an unusual custom
At first we thought we were doing something
unusual, but we soon discovered that many other parents slept with their babies,
too. They just don't tell their doctors or in-laws about it. In social
settings, when the subject of sleep came up, we admitted that we slept with our
babies. Other parents would secretly "confess" that they did, too. Why should
parents have to be so hush-hush about this nighttime parenting practice and made
to feel they are doing something strange? Most parents throughout the world
sleep with their infants. Why is this beautiful custom taboo in our society?
How could a culture be so educated in other things, yet be so misguided in
parenting styles?
What to call it
Sleeping with your baby has various labels: The
earthy term "family bed," while appealing to many, is a turn-off to parents who
imagine a pile of kids squeezed into a small bed with dad and the family dog
perched precariously on the mattress edge. "Co-sleeping" sounds more like what
adults do. "Bed-sharing" is the term frequently used in medical writings. I
prefer the term "sleep-sharing" because, as you will
learn, a baby shares more than just bed space. An infant and mother sleeping
side by side share lots of interactions that are safe and healthy.
A mindset more than a place to sleep
Sharing sleep involves more
than a decision about where your baby sleeps. It is a mindset, one in which
parents are flexible enough to shift nighttime parenting styles as circumstances
change. Every family goes through nocturnal juggling acts at different stages
of children's development. Sharing sleep reflects an attitude of acceptance of
your baby as a little person with big needs. Your infant trusts that you, his
parents, will continually be available during the night, as you are during the
day. Sharing sleep in our culture also requires that you trust your intuition
about parenting your individual baby instead of unquestionably accepting the
norms of American society. Accepting and respecting your baby's needs can help
you recognize that you are not spoiling your baby or letting him manipulate you
when you welcome him into your bed.
What I noticed
In the early years of sleeping with our babies, I
watched the sleep-sharing pair nestled next to me. I truly began to believe
that a special connection occurs between the sleep-sharing pair that has to be
good for baby. Was it brain waves, motion, or just something mysterious in the
air that occurs between two people during nighttime touch? I couldn't help
feeling there was something good and healthful about this arrangement.
Specifically, I noticed these special connections:
Martha and baby naturally slept on their sides, belly-to-belly facing each
other. Even if they started out at a distance, baby would naturally gravitate
toward Martha, their heads facing each other, sort of a breath away. Most of
the sleep-sharing mothers I have interviewed spend most of their night naturally
sleeping on their backs or sides (as do their babies), positions that give
mother and baby easier access to each other for breastfeeding. Other
researchers have recently reported the prevalence of the face-to-face position
during sleep-sharing (Mosko and McKenna 1994). (Scientific references listed at
end of co-sleeping section).
When I noticed this face-to-face, almost nose-to-nose position, I wondered if
the respiratory gasses from mother's nose might affect baby's breathing, and
there is some experimental evidence to support this, (See —they take a deep breath.
Could there be sensors in a baby's nose that detect mother's breath, so that she
is acting like a pacemaker or breathing stimulus? Researchers have discovered
that the lining of the nose is rich in receptors that may affect breathing,
though their exact function is unknown. (Widdicombe, 81). Perhaps mother's
breath and/or smell stimulates some of these receptors, and thus affects baby's
breathing. One of the main gases in an exhaled breath is carbon dioxide, which
acts as a respiratory stimulant. Researchers have recently measured the exhaled
air coming from a mother's nose while sleeping with her baby. They confirmed
this logical suspicion that the closer baby is to mother's nose, the higher is
the carbon dioxide concentration of the exhaled air, and the concentration of
carbon dioxide between the face-to-face pair is possibly just the right amount
to stimulate breathing (Mosko 1994).
As I watched the sleeping pair, I was intrigued by the harmony in their
breathing. When Martha took a deep breath, baby took a deep breath. When I
draped our tiny babies skin-to-skin over my chest, (a touch I dubbed "the warm
fuzzy") , I noticed their breathing would synchronize
with the rise and fall of my chest.
The sleep-sharing pair is often, but not always, in sleep harmony with each
other. Martha would often enter a state of light sleep a few seconds before our
babies did. They would gravitate toward one another, and Martha, by some
internal sensor, would turn toward baby and nurse or touch her, and the pair
would peacefully drift back to sleep, often without either member awakening.
Also, there seemed to be occasional simultaneous arousal. When Martha or the
baby would stir the other would also move. After spending hours watching these
sleeping beauties, I was certain that each member of the sleep-sharing pair
affects the sleep patterns of the other, yet I could only speculate how.
Perhaps these mutual arousals allow mother and baby to "practice" waking up in
response to a life-threatening event. (If SIDS is a defect in arousability from
sleep, perhaps this practice would help baby's sleep arousability mature.)
Then there was the reach-out-and-touch-someone observation. The baby
would extend an arm, touch Martha, take a deep breath and resettle.
I was amazed by how much interaction went on between Martha and our babies
when they shared sleep. One would wiggle and the other would wiggle. Martha,
even without awakening, would reach out and touch the baby who would move a bit
in response to her touch. She would periodically semi-awaken to check on the
baby, rearrange the covers, and then drift easily back to sleep. It seemed that
baby and mother spent a lot of time during the night checking on the presence of
each other. I did not miss the hours of sleep I gave up to study this
fascinating relationship.
Our son, Dr. Jim, an avid sailor, offers a father's viewpoint on sleep-
sharing sensitivity: "People often ask me how a sailor gets any sleep when ocean
racing solo. While sleeping, the lone sailor puts the boat on autopilot.
Because the sailor is so in tune with his boat, if the wind shifts so that
something is not quite right with the boat, the sailor will wake up."
In essence, the sleep-sharing pair seemed to enjoy a mutual awareness without
a mutual disturbance.
In 1992 we set up equipment in our bedroom to study eight-week-old Lauren's
breathing while she slept in two different arrangements. One night Lauren and
Martha slept together in the same bed, as they were used to doing. The next
night, Lauren slept alone in our bed and Martha slept in an adjacent room.
Lauren was wired (see figure) to a computer that
recorded her electrocardiogram, her breathing movements, the airflow from her
nose, and her blood oxygen level. The instrumentation was painless and didn't
appear to disturb her sleep. Martha nursed Lauren down to sleep in both
arrangements and sensitively responded to her during the nighttime as needed.
(The equipment was designed to detect only Lauren's physiologic changes during
sleep. The equipment did not pick up Martha's signals.) Martha nursed Lauren
down to sleep in both arrangements and sensitively responded to Lauren's
nighttime needs. A technician and I observed and recorded the information. The
data was analyzed by computer and interpreted by a pediatric pulmonologist who
was "blind" to the situation—that is, he didn't know whether the data he was
analyzing came from the shared-sleeping or the solo-sleeping arrangement.
Our study revealed that Lauren breathed better when sleeping next to
Martha than when sleeping alone. Her breathing and her heart rate were more
regular during shared sleep, and there were fewer "dips," low points in
respiration and blood oxygen from stop-breathing episodes. On the night Lauren
slept with Martha, there were no dips in her blood oxygen. On the night Lauren
slept alone, there were 132 dips. The results were similar in a second infant,
whose parents generously allowed us into their bedroom. We studied Lauren and
the other infant again at five months. As expected, the physiological
differences between shared and solo sleep were less pronounced at five months
than at two months.
In 1993 I was invited to present our sleep-sharing research to the 11th
International Apnea of Infancy Conference, since this was the first study of
sleep-sharing in the natural home environment (Sears, 1993). Certainly our
studies would not stand up to scientific scrutiny, mainly because we only
studied two babies. We didn't intend them to; it would be presumptuous to draw
sweeping conclusions from studies in only two babies. We meant this only to be
a pilot study. But we learned that with the availability of new microtechnology
and in-home, nonintrusive monitoring, my belief about the protective effects of
sharing sleep was a testable hypothesis. I hoped this preliminary study would
stimulate other SIDS researchers to scientifically study the physiological
effects of sharing sleep in a natural home environment.
The physiological effects of sleep-sharing are finally being studied in sleep
laboratories that are set up to mimic, as much as possible, the home bedroom.
Over the past few years, nearly a million dollars of government research money
has been devoted to sleep-sharing research. These studies have all been done on
mothers and infants ranging from two to five months in age. Here are the
preliminary findings based on mother-infant pairs studied in the sleep-sharing
arrangement versus the solitary-sleeping arrangement (Elias 1986, McKenna 1993,
Fleming 1994; Mosko 1994):
1. Sleep-sharing pairs showed more synchronous arousals than when
sleeping separately. When one member of the pair stirred, coughed, or changed
sleeping stages, the other member also changed, often without awakening.
2. Each member of the pair tended to often, but not always, be in the same
stage of sleep for longer periods if they slept together.
3. Sleep-sharing babies spent less time in each cycle of deep sleep.
Lest mothers worry they will get less deep sleep; preliminary studies showed
that sleep-sharing mothers didn't get less total deep sleep.
4. Sleep-sharing infants aroused more often and spent more time
breastfeeding than solitary sleepers, yet the sleep-sharing mothers did
not report awakening more frequently.
5. Sleep-sharing infants tended to sleep more often on their backs or sides
and less often on their tummies, a factor that could itself lower the SIDS risk.
6. A lot of mutual touch and interaction occurs between the sleep-sharers.
What one does affects the nighttime behavior of the other.
Even though these studies are being conducted in sleep laboratories instead
of the natural home environment, it's likely that within a few years enough
mother-infant pairs will be studied to scientifically validate what insightful
mothers have long known: something good and healthful occurs when mothers and
babies share sleep.
have selected the following quotes from my gallery of medical testimonies
from my "consultants." These are professional mothers who have lots of
intuition. Many are also pediatric nurses. Some of these mothers slept with
their babies for fear of SIDS. These savvy women know babies.
"During the first six months of Leah's life, I noticed some dramatic
differences in her sleeping when I wasn't sleeping next to her. In the morning
I would often get up while she was still sleeping. Since I had the monitor on,
I would hear loud and irregular breathing patterns rather than the quiet and
regular breathing patterns she had when we slept together. There was a definite
change in her breathing patterns after I would get out of bed. I think that I
actually helped her breathe. Maybe I was her pacemaker. I also noticed
that when she was five-months-old and I would get out of bed that after a while
she would roll over onto her belly. She never rolled onto her belly when I
slept next to her. She was always on her side or back."
"When my baby slept with me, I noticed there were times when he would stop
breathing. I would wait, and wait, and wait and no breath would come. When I
felt I had waited long enough, I would take a deep breath. At that very
instant, so would Zach! Hearing my breathing actually stimulated his breathing
impulses."
"Our newborn was on a monitor and slept in a cradle next to our bed. One
night I heard her gasping. I know baby noises, and these weren't normal noises.
As soon as I picked her up and put her next to me in bed, she breathed
regularly. My pediatrician told me I was just a nervous mother. If her
breathing didn't wake her up, it wasn't a problem. He told me it was my
problem, and if I moved her out of our room I wouldn't hear her. I kept
badgering pediatricians to study her and indeed they found she had apnea
eighteen percent of the time. When she slept with me I noticed a difference.
She breathed with me. My doctor still thought I was a nervous, crazy woman, and
said she would be fine if I would just leave her alone."
"When my baby was three-months-old I went back to work part-time in the
evenings. She became fussy and cried most of the time I was gone. By the time
she went to sleep, she had worked herself into such a hysterical state that she
cried herself to sleep. I feel that messed up her breathing. I would come home
from work and put my ear down next to her crib, and I couldn't hear her
breathing. Every seven or eight seconds she would take one or two gasps, and
that's all I could hear. As soon as I picked her up and lay down with her on my
bed, she started breathing more calmly and regularly again. She continued this
panicky breathing in her crib at night for about a month. After that, I quit
work and slept with her every night. That was my husband's idea. My friends
told me to let her cry it out and that she had to learn to sleep by herself.
The panicky breathing that I heard when she slept alone in the crib was not the
sleep that I wanted her to learn."
"My baby usually sleeps with me, but sometimes he sleeps alone. When he
sleeps alone he wakes up after a short while afraid. I believe that it is the
afraidness that causes SIDS."
"My baby had a cold for a couple of weeks and one night she woke up in her
crib gasping and struggling to breathe. Her breathing seemed obstructed, but
after ten minutes she was fine. I took her to the doctor the next day, and he
reassured me, 'There's never a warning sign of SIDS. There is never a
precursor.' I wondered, "Is that because most babies are in cribs and no one
witnesses the warning signs?"
"My baby had a breathing problem at night and seizures that were diagnosed
as Sandifers Syndrome with reflux and a seizure disorder. The sleep study at
one university hospital was done while baby was sleeping alone in a crib, and
showed irregular breathing. I told the doctor that she normally slept with me,
but he said it would make no difference and that he wanted to treat her with
medication and put her on a heart monitor. She was now four months of age. I
got a second opinion at another university hospital, where I asked them to do
the same study while she slept with me. It showed normal results and the
doctors advised me to stop the monitor and that nothing further needed to be
done."
"Our baby would breathe like a choo-choo train when sleeping alone. When I
would go over and touch him, he would breathe normally. When I took him into
our bed, he would breathe normally."
"I don't want to sound psychic, but I know we are on the same brain wave
when we sleep together. We seem to be in perfect nighttime harmony. He nurses
at night and I don't even wake up. Because of this, my life is so much easier
than with my first baby."
"At first I thought sleeping with your baby was nuts. Then our ten-week-old
infant was diagnosed with gastroesophageal reflux . I realized I couldn't let him cry at night. It would be
dangerous because crying brings on the reflux. So I slept with him, and he
cried less. Now I'm so used to his breathing patterns that I wake up shortly
before he does or when his breathing patterns change."
"Because we had two relatives who lost babies to SIDS, we monitored our
first baby, and he slept with me. I recognized when his breathing rhythm
changed. My husband and I would wake up seconds before the monitor went off.
When I tapped and stroked him, he would start to breathe again."
"With my first baby, for fear of spoiling, I didn't let her sleep with me
(now I know differently), but she slept within inches of me in a bassinet next
to my bed. When she was three-and-a-half-months-old, I transferred her to a
crib in her own room. That night I awoke in the middle of the night with a
panicky feeling that I had to get to her. I found her not breathing. I gave
her a shake and she started breathing. Evaluation at a children's hospital
showed that she had frequent periods of apnea, from ten to fifty a night, and we
hadn't even been aware of this. Then she went on a monitor, and our life
revolved around the monitor. I was still afraid to sleep with her in my bed,
because at that time the monitors didn't have a disconnect alarm, and I was
afraid I would disconnect the monitor and wouldn't hear it if she had an apnea
period. On many nights the alarm would go off every ten minutes to an hour.
When she was around four-months, in desperation to get some sleep, I would sleep
with her on my chest in a reclining chair. On those nights, we all slept better
and there were no alarms. Even when we were sleeping separately, many times I
would awaken immediately before the apnea alarm went off. I believe I had a
connection to her. I felt a need to have her close to me. I think
breastfeeding her and holding her a lot during the day helped give me that
connection."
"Our baby has asthma, and I notice that if
he sleeps in our bed his breathing is more regular and not as fast as when he
sleeps alone. My husband has found he can also affect Nathaniel's breathing by
pulling him close to his chest with a big "bear hug cuddle" and breathing slow
and deep. This has become part of our asthma plan. Not only has it helped
Nathaniel have more restful nights and require less medication, but my husband
and I have more restful nights as well."
"Each of our five children slept in our bed until two-and-a-half to three-
and-a-half-years-of-age, when they chose to move out. I noticed that they all
slept with their faces toward mine and if I turned my face away from theirs,
they'd awaken. I truly believe that babies and mothers breathe in
synchrony, and when one stirs, so does the other. It always seems like I
awaken with our babies, not after them. I believe this breathing connection is
responsible for it."
"I slept with all six of my babies, and I think their breathing was more
regular when they slept next to me. When I watched them sleep alone in the
crib, their breathing seemed more irregular."
"Our sleep cycles seem to be in tune. I wake up a few seconds before she
does."
"If it weren't for our daughter, we never would have considered sleep-
sharing. During our childbirth classes the instructor mentioned, 'You might
think about sharing sleep with your baby.' My husband and I looked at each
other and said, 'That sounds liberal. No way, thank you. She will have her own
bed in her own room.' One afternoon when our baby was twenty-days-old, the high
winds in our house caused the door to her bedroom to slam loudly. I thought
she'd be scared, so I quickly went in to check on her. I found her gray, ashen,
limp, and not breathing. I thought she was gone—I'm a paramedic. I grabbed her
and she started breathing. After studying several nights of monitor tracings,
the doctors concluded that 'she had numerous episodes of periodic breathing like
a 34 or 35-week premature baby.'
"Sort of on the sly, my doctor said, 'You might consider sleeping with her
and nursing her at night while lying next to her. All our babies slept in our
bed until they were twelve-to fifteen-months-old, and I've heard that a mother's
presence regulates a baby's heartbeat.' I then said to my husband, 'Between my
childbirth instructor, my La Leche League leader, Dr. Sears' books, and now my
pediatrician, maybe we should rethink this matter."
"She slept in our bed the next ten months, monitored only by me. To my
knowledge, she never had any more breathing difficulties. When people would
say, 'Oh, she sleeps with you?' and give me a put-down look, I would simply say,
'Our doctor says it's best because it helps her regulate her breathing.' In my
college classes, I get so angry when people equate sleeping with your baby with
'doing something different.' It's natural, like a mother holding a baby. I
wish they wouldn't try to make it such a liberal thing. I can't express to you
how strongly I feel it made a difference. Our next baby will sleep with us."
From the preceding evidence it seems that separate sleeping is not only
unnatural, but may even be dangerous for some babies. Put new research findings
together with the intuition of wise parents and you wonder whether sleep-sharing
could not only make a psychological difference but also a physiological
difference to babies. Each year more and more studies are confirming what savvy
parents have long suspected: sharing sleep is not only safe, but also healthy
for their babies. Thus, I leave it to parents to consider the following: If
there were fewer cribs, would there be fewer crib deaths?
There is no right or wrong place for baby to sleep. Wherever all family
members sleep the best is the right arrangement for you. Remember, over half
the world's population sleeps with their baby, and more and more parents in the
U.S. are sharing sleep with their little one. Here's why:
1. Babies sleep better
Sleepsharing babies usually go to sleep and
stay asleep better. Being parented to sleep at the breast of mother or in the
arms of father creates a healthy go-to-sleep attitude. Baby learns that going
to sleep is a pleasant state to enter (one of our goals of nighttime parenting).
Babies stay asleep better. Put yourself in the sleep pattern of baby.
As baby passes from deep sleep into light sleep, he enters a vulnerable
period for nightwaking, a transition state that may occur as often as every
hour and from which it is difficult for baby to resettle on his own into a deep
sleep. You are a familiar attachment person whom baby can touch, smell, and
hear. Your presence conveys an "It's OK to go back to sleep" message. Feeling
no worry, baby peacefully drifts through this vulnerable period of nightwaking
and reenters deep sleep. If baby does awaken, she is sometimes able to resettle
herself because you are right there. A familiar touch, perhaps a few minutes'
feed, and you comfort baby back into deep sleep without either member of the
sleep-sharing pair fully awakening.
Many babies need help going back to sleep because of a developmental quirk
called object or
person permanence. When something or someone is out of sight, it is
out of mind. Most babies less than a year old do not have the ability to think
of mother as existing somewhere else. When babies awaken alone in a crib, they
become frightened and often unable to resettle back into deep sleep. Because of
this separation anxiety, they learn that sleep is a fearful state to remain in
(not one of our goals of nighttime parenting).
2. Mothers sleep better
Many mothers and infants are able to
achieve nighttime harmony: babies and mothers get their sleep cycles in sync
with one another.
Martha notes: "I would automatically awaken seconds
before my baby would. When the baby started to squirm, I would lay on a
comforting hand and she would drift back to sleep. Sometimes I did this
automatically and I didn't even wake up."
Contrast sleepsharing with the crib and nursery scene. The separate sleeper
awakens – alone and behind bars. He is out of touch. He first squirms and
whimpers. Still out of touch. Separation anxiety sets in, baby becomes scared,
and the cry escalates into an all-out wail or plea for help. This piercing cry
awakens even the most long distance mother, who jumps up (sometimes out of the
state of deep sleep, which is what leads to most nighttime exhaustion), and
staggers reluctantly down the hall. By the time mother reaches the baby, baby
is wide awake and upset, mother is wide awake and upset, and the comforting that
follows becomes a reluctant duty rather than an automatic nurturant response.
It takes longer to resettle an upset solo sleeper than it does a half-asleep
baby who is sleeping within arm's reach of mother. Once baby does fall asleep,
mother is still wide-awake and too upset to resettle easily. If, however, the
baby is sleeping next to mother and they have their sleep cycles in sync, most
mothers and babies can quickly resettle without either member of the
sleepsharing pair fully awakening. Being awakened suddenly and completely from
a state of deep sleep to attend to a hungry or frightened baby is what leads to
sleep-deprived parents and fearful babies.
3. Breastfeeding is easier
Most
veteran breastfeeding mothers have, for survival, learned that sharing sleep
makes breastfeeding easier. Breastfeeding mothers find it easier than
bottlefeeding mothers to get their sleep cycles in sync with their babies. They
often wake up just before the babies awaken for a feeding. By being there and
anticipating the feeding, mother can breastfeed baby back to a deep sleep before
baby (and often mother) fully awakens.
A mother who had achieved nighttime-nursing harmony with her baby shared the
following story with us:
"About thirty seconds before my baby wakes up for a feeding, my sleep
seems to lighten and I almost wake up. By being able to anticipate his feeding,
I usually can start breastfeeding him just as he begins to squirm and reach for
the nipple. Getting him to suck immediately keeps him from fully waking up, and
then we both drift back into a deep sleep right after feeding."
Mothers who experience daytime breastfeeding difficulties report that
breastfeeding becomes easier when they sleep next to their babies at night and
lie down with baby and nap nurse during the day. We believe baby senses that
mother is more relaxed, and her milk-producing hormones work better when she is
relaxed or sleeping.
4. It's contemporary parenting
Sleepsharing is even more relevant in
today's busy lifestyles. As more and more mothers, out of necessity, are
separated from their baby during the day, sleeping with their baby at night
allows them to reconnect and make up for missed touch time during the day. As a
nighttime perk, the relaxing hormones that are produced in response to baby
nursing relax a mother and help her wind down from the tension of a busy day's
work. (See
5. Babies thrive better
Over the past thirty years of observing
sleepsharing families in our pediatric practice, we have noticed one medical
benefit that stands out; these babies thrive . "Thriving"
means not only getting bigger, but also growing to your full potential,
emotionally, physically, and intellectually. Perhaps it's the extra touch that
stimulates development, or perhaps the extra feedings (yes, sleepsharing infants
breastfeed more often than solo sleepers).
6. Parents and infants become more connected
Remember that becoming
connected is the basis of parenting, and one of your early goals of parenting.
In our office, we keep a file entitled "Kids Who Turned Out Well, What Their
Parents Did." We have noticed that infants who sleep with their parents (some
or all of the time during those early formative years) not only thrive better,
but infants and parents are more connected.
7. Reduces the risk of SIDS
New research is showing what parents
the world over have long suspected: infants who sleep safely nestled next to
parents are less likely to succumb to the tragedy of SIDS. Yet, because SIDS is
so rare (.5 to 1 case per 1,000 infants), this worry should not be a reason to
sleep with your baby. (For in depth information on the science of sleepsharing
and the experiments showing how sleep benefits a baby's nighttime physiology.
(See SIDS)
Co-sleeping does not always work and some parents simply do not want to sleep
with their baby. Sleepsharing is an optional attachment tool. You are not bad
parents if you don't sleep with your baby. Try it. If it's working and you
enjoy it, continue. If not, try other sleeping arrangements (an alternative is
the sidecar arrangement: place a crib or co-sleeper
adjacent to your bed).
New parents often worry that their child will get so used to sleeping with
them that he may never want to leave their bed. Yes, if you're used to sleeping
first-class, you are reluctant to be downgraded. Like weaning from the breast,
infants do wean from your bed (usually sometime around two years of age). Keep
in mind that sleepsharing may be the arrangement that is designed for the safety
and security of babies. The time in your arms, at your breast, and in your bed
is a very short time in the total life of your child, yet the memories of love
and availability last a lifetime.
An alternative to sleeping with baby in your bed is the Arm's Reach®
Co-Sleeper®. This crib-like bed fits safely and snuggly adjacent to parent's bed. The co-sleeper®
arrangement gives parents and baby their own separate sleeping
spaces yet, keeps baby within arm's reach for easy
nighttime care. To learn more about the Arm's Reach® Co-Sleeper® Bassinet visit
www.armsreach.com.
Since research suggests that infants at risk of SIDS have a diminished
arousal response during sleep, it seems logical that anything that increases the
infant's arousability from sleep or the mother's awareness of her infant during
sleep may decrease the risk of SIDS. That's exactly what sleeping with your
baby can do. Here are the vital roles a sleep-sharing mother plays:
DR. SEARS SIDS HYPOTHESIS:
I believe that in most cases SIDS is a sleep disorder, primarily a disorder
of arousal and breathing control during sleep. All the elements of natural
mothering, especially breastfeeding and sharing sleep, benefit the infant's
breathing control and increase the mutual awareness between mother and infant so
that their arousability is increased and the risk of SIDS decreased.
Mother acts as pacemaker. A major part of my sleep-sharing hypothesis
is that mother can act as a breathing pacemaker for her baby. Picture what
happens when mother and baby sleep side by side. Mother acts like a breathing
pacemaker for her baby during sleep. Together they develop what we call "sleep
harmony." Both members of the sleeping pair have
simultaneous sleep stages, perhaps not perfectly attuned and not all night long,
but close enough that they are mutually aware of each other's presence without
disturbing each other's sleep. Because of this mutual sensitivity, as baby
normally cycles from deep sleep into light sleep, the presence of the mother
raises baby's arousability and awareness. As previously discussed the lack of
arousability or ascending out of deep sleep may characterize infants at risk for
SIDS. Countless times a mother has said to me, "I automatically awaken just
before my baby starts to stir and I nurse her back to sleep. Usually neither of
us fully awakens, and we both quickly drift back to sleep."
While watching Martha sleep next to our babies, I noticed how frequently she
would attend to our infant's nighttime needs, often without even waking up.
Several times throughout the night she would adjust baby's covers, nurse, or do
whatever seemed right for baby's well-being.
This sleeping arrangement does not imply that a mother should think of
herself as a lifeguard, keeping watch every sleeping hour, day and night, for
six months or feel that she is an inadequate parent if she chooses not to do so.
This attitude puts fear into and takes the joy out of nighttime parenting. I'm
simply talking about forgetting cultural norms and doing what comes naturally.
Don't feel that you must never let your baby sleep alone or that you must go to
bed early with baby every night. Remember that SIDS is a relatively uncommon
occurrence, not a nightly threat to your baby's life.
Mother fills in a missing ingredient. In the early months, much of a
baby's night is spent in active sleep— the state in
which babies are most easily aroused. As we discussed previously, this state may
"protect" the infant against stop-breathing episodes. From one to six months,
the time of primary concern about SIDS, the percentage of active sleep
decreases, and quiet, or deeper, sleep increases. More deep sleep means that
babies start to sleep through the night. That's the good news. The concern,
however, is that as baby learns to sleep deeper, it is more difficult for him to
arouse when there is an apnea episode, and the risk of SIDS increases. By six
months, the baby's cardiopulmonary regulating system has matured enough that the
breathing centers in the brain are better able to restart breathing, even in
deep sleep. But there is a vulnerable period between one and six months when
the sleep is deepening, yet the compensatory mechanisms are not yet mature.
During the time baby is at risk, mother fills in. In fact, mother sleeps like a
baby until the baby is mature enough to sleep like an adult. That warm body
next to baby acts as a breathing pacemaker, sort of reminding baby to breathe,
until the baby's self-start mechanisms can handle the job on their own. (See
Sleep Safety)
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